More Than Science
by Steel Stilettos
Summary: Confrontations between father and son. Consensual mm incest. Dont read it if you wont like it. Please R


DISCLAIMER: DIB, MEMBRANE, GAZ, AND ZIM ALL BELONG TO JHONENS CREATIVITY. NOT ME. THAT IS ALL.  
  
(A/N: Ok, Im going to say more. This is a m/m slash incest fic with some graphic content. Contains M/D and very slight hints of D/Z. Don't flame me because you think D/M, ZADR or incest in general is 'gross'. And I wont be adding to this...just one chapter. I have other fics to tend to and wrote this because I was slightly uninspired with the others. Membrane's POV. Please R&R)  
  
  
  
  
I glanced across the large room to the black and white clock mounted on the wall, surprised at how quickly the time had passed since the last time I'd checked. Dib would be arriving soon with the car to drive us home. I was glad that he had decided against going straight to college after high school, instead staying home to take care of the house when I couldn't. Which was often. I felt a familiar guilt twist in my stomach with that thought. This last project had kept me in labs, three hours from home, for two weeks straight. Dib had called five times a day in the beginning because I wouldn't let him visit while my colleagues and I worked; it was too dangerous.   
  
Of course he knew how important my job was to me, but I'm positive he's bitter. Even more now that we've solidified a relation between us that goes beyond father and son. There's no need to tell me it's wrong, I'd done enough doubting to last ten lifetimes already. But there were new problems arising each day. More often than I'd enjoy admitting, I've been accused of loving science more than I did him. Naturally, he's wrong, but it's hard to convey those thoughts to my son. I dealt with people everyday, but never truly had to speak to them in any meaningful way. It was different with Dib and I understood that it would take new effort. I was grateful for his careful prodding and persistence. Sometimes I wondered why he even bothered. It was my nature to keep secrets close.  
  
Deciding that I should clean my work area before Dib arrived, I began to put stoppers in vials and test tubes and hung them in their racks. Then I took a towel and made a quick swipe across the tabletop, clearing it of the few drops of liquid or powders I'd spilled. All the while I thought of Dib and hoped he wouldn't be cold towards me once he arrived. He'd been livid last week when I told him not to visit and that five calls a day was four too many. Maybe I was harsh, but he needed to understand. I tried to explain that his presence would distract me and the phone conversations only delayed my work further. He didn't understand or perhaps didn't feel like trying to, and so he hung up. He didn't call again until two days ago and then apologized in a distant and lukewarm tone. I told him that the project was wrapping up within the next few days and then he finished the conversation prematurely.  
  
We spoke again that very morning when I announced that we would finish that evening. I was glad to hear his voice pick up in enthusiasm and he offered to pick me up instead of taking passenger in a fellow scientist's car. I agreed and told him that I would be ready around 9:00. As it turned out, we ended ahead of schedule and everybody had left before 8:00. It was too late by then to tell Dib, since he had already left the house at 6, and so I agreed to lock up before leaving. I passed the time playing with dangerous chemicals and making multicolored smoke explosions. It calmed my distraught nerves, even if it wasn't very becoming of a professional and world famous scientist.  
  
Feeling slightly better, though still worried, I finished cleaning, washed my hands at the sink and walked to the closet where I hung my lab coat along with a few others. As an afterthought, I pulled my goggles off and set them on the shelf above. I had many a pair at home; it wouldn't hurt to keep a pair at this laboratory. Besides, Dib always complained that they hid my 'beautiful eyes'. I can't understand what he sees in them, just a plain brown. Nothing like his honey colored eyes, those were from his mother.  
  
Next, I walked the length of the room to the wide panel of light switches. Since I was the last to leave, I flicked them off, one by one, though the room was far from dark when I finished. All along the walls, experiments, aquariums, and safety lights cast an unnatural, bluish light to everything. Then I waited, leaning against the wall by the door.  
  
A few minutes passed and then I heard a faint door slam upstairs followed by heavy footsteps trudging down the cement steps to the vast labs below. It was Dib. I couldn't miss those heavy boots he wore or even the distinct way he had of walking, sort of a shuffling hop. A moment later, the door opened and Dib spotted me.  
  
I stayed where I was and he stared back. The blue light made his pale skin glow in a way I wouldn't have imagined but looked astonishing and ethereal. His dark trenchcoat was buttoned past his neck and with black pants and ebony hair he blended quite well into the shadows. Sometimes I wondered if that was the point. He took a step forward and lifted his hand in a greeting. He wiggled fingers dressed in silver rings with nails clad in black. It was a shy wave accompanied by a shy step and I knew that he too had been thinking about the earlier conversations.  
  
I stood up straighter, gave a wave back, and held out my hand to him. He looked slightly relieved and took a few more noisy steps until he was in front of me. Then he wrapped his own arms around my neck, pulling me into a slow kiss. I sensed the apprehension but was still taken aback by the affection since it was quite unexpected. Especially after Dib had sounded on the phone just two days prior. Instead of pondering this further, I responded to the kiss and held his waist gently. I coaxed his lips open and slid my tongue inside, tasting the newly familiar cavern. He produced lovely noises into my mouth and his slight moans echoed throughout. Too soon, he pulled away and opened his amber eyes to look at me.  
  
"You know I did miss you." He stated, probably noting a faintly stunned expression on my face. I forced myself to smile, not knowing what else to do.  
  
"Of course you did. And I thought about you often as I worked." It was the best I could do, but I saw the flinch when I mentioned work. "Are you ready to go?" I asked quickly, eager to change the subject. He didn't answer right away and he looked at me darkly. I felt my heart sink when I realized this wasn't going to go as easily as I'd hoped.  
  
"No, I'm not." He finally answered. "Gaz is home...you do remember her, don't you?" I lowered my eyes to that remark, but he continued. "It was hard enough not seeing you for two weeks. Your next project could be any day now; all the companies'll want you since you're free, and I refuse to go back home and pretend that nothing is going on when Gaz is around. Which is all the time, mind you."  
  
"What would you propose we do about that, Dib? We can't change the blatant reality laid out for us." I said wearily, not in the mood to argue about this again.  
  
"No, we can't." He said.  
  
If I could have thought of anything to say, I wouldn't have been able to spit it out anyways. In an instant, I found myself incapable of speech as Dib's mouth crashed down on mine, stealing breath and sane thought. His tongue forced past my lips and he rubbed the length of his body against my own, paying special attentions to what lay below our hips and above the knees. He seemed satisfied with the gasp I made between us and slid his cold fingers under my shirt, lifting it higher and drawing patterns with his fingernails.  
  
It was with great effort that I pried myself back, knocking my head against the wall, and took a deep breath. Dib too, stepped away, but began to unbutton his coat, revealing a dark shirt, and a thin black band around his neck. I was tempted to let him continue, but I couldn't. I'd tried so hard to separate Dib from my work, knowing he detested what I did, but for other reasons as well. Continuing what he had just initiated would not help the separation. Every time I walked into a laboratory I'd think of Dib and it just wouldn't work. I placed my hands on top of Dib's, stopping him from continuing with the buttons. He looked at me with a questioning stare.  
  
"Stop. I can't do it here. This is my...work." I said it quietly and even reluctantly, because I did want what he offered. He was only too right when he said what he did. The companies would come calling, looking for their miracle man, and Gaz couldn't know about us. At least not yet.  
  
Dib turned a question into a glare and his eyes flashed angrily. I knew I'd said the dreaded words, I'd mentioned my job and now he was frustrated and impatient.  
  
"It's always about that with you. If you loved me half as much as you pretend, I would come before your damn experiments!" His voice was a low growl, and he spoke quickly. I realized that avoiding an argument was now not an option.  
  
"You've always been more important that my experiments, but I've tried forever to keep the two separated. Dib, you're blurring those lines."  
  
"I've always 'blurred the lines' and you've hated me for it." His voice rose in its pitch.  
  
"That isn't tr--" I tried to calm him, but he continued, ignoring me.  
  
"I didn't follow in your footsteps. I brought home aliens and you didn't believe. I had pictures of ghosts, pictures that I took myself for god's sake, but you wouldn't even give them a second of your precious time. It was never real science to you, even if it was *my* alien or *my* pictures. Not even in a fatherly way would you see any of it. There was always a lecture, scientist to nutcase...right?" He stopped but I was quiet, listening and thinking.  
  
"You were never ever there when I was little, work was just too damn important. I stayed home with Gaz and we took care of ourselves. As far as I'm concerned, I never had a father." His words were pitiless and something inside of me broke with them.  
  
"And then now. God knows how I ever forgave you, maybe I was just so desperate...but you said things were different now, but I don't think so. Your job still overshadows everything I ever did and everything I try to do. What do chemicals give you that a son couldn't? A lover...anyone?" Dib was close to hysteria, if he wasn't already there. His eyes glistened behind glasses and he trembled; though I could tell he didn't care or didn't realize.  
  
I'd sometimes catch a passing glimpse of such feelings but he had never spoken them aloud. His childhood...did he truly refuse to think of me as his father? I didn't know how, if I even should, answer Dib. What did science provide that people could not? Why did I bury myself in chemical formulas and the scientific method when I honestly cared for Dib more than all of that?  
  
"I don't know." I finally responded, pitifully. Dib looked at me curiously and I wondered what he saw that I did not.  
  
"You don't know?" He asked, mocking and austere. I shook my head.  
  
"No. Dib...you're more important than anything. I regard you higher than myself, but then...I work. And sometimes I put it before you because it's...safe." I wasn't sure why I had said that then, but it made sense.  
  
"Safe?" Dib queried, and I realized that I had to explain how I felt. It hadn't been something I'd ever looked forward to, even though I knew the time would eventually come.  
  
"Well...yes. Science is consistent. It's systematic and perfected. Dib, you aren't safe, you never have been either. You had a mind and saw things I never could. Your imagination made you dangerous, and your thoughts made you dangerous. Always inconsistent, and if in three days you decided I wasn't worth your time, then what? I can't control it. It's the same with all people. Gaz, your mother...you know she said the same things you're saying now...before she left. I couldn't stop her anymore than I could stop you." It was the first time I had told any person that, first time I told it to myself even, and it felt nice to finally say it.  
  
"But...why?" Dib asked. I didn't know what he meant, but I continued on as if I'd never stopped.  
  
"If I concentrate solely on my work then maybe it won't hurt as much when you leave. If you invade my workspace then how can it provide comfort once you're gone? I won't be able to think of it as the one part of my life that you were never involved in, however informal. Can you understand that?" I almost pleaded.  
  
"I do, but you forgot something." Dib replied.  
  
"What?" My voice came out confused and exasperated. No, I hadn't left anything out.  
  
"I'm. Not. Leaving." I stared at him until he went on. "I'm not Mother or anyone else who left. I'm Dib...your son. I'm bound to you, not only by blood, but by my own need for fidelity. I've had people leave too, people who claimed I meant something to them. Yeah, I'm young, but those years weren't exactly sheltered. And now, I hope I won't break your heart, but you're stuck with me for a very long time." His eyes smiled behind glass but his mouth did not. I was speechless, I'd simply not realized...  
  
"Dib...I never thought..." My voice died away in my throat and I never finished the sentence.  
  
"You seldom do in matters like these." Now he smiled and his teeth flashed momentarily.   
  
"Can I make it up to you?" I asked quietly. An idea had been forming while we spoke and I was sure then, that I wanted to continue with it.  
  
"How?" He asked. Hesitating slightly, I spoke, hushed.  
  
"I quit." Dib's mouth hung open. Apparently he'd not been expecting that.  
  
"Quit what?" He asked. I would have laughed if he hadn't sounded so honestly lost.  
  
"My job, Dib. Early retirement, whatever. I'm done with it, I just realized that I don't need to work anymore. I have you."  
  
"No...You can't! What about...money or...or doing what you love...and...?"  
  
"Stop babbling. We don't need money. Do you know how much I got for my AIDS cure alone? And I've had other successes, millions of dollars. And I wasn't ever doing what I loved. That would be you. If it's a choice between science and love...well, I'd miss you more." Now I was rambling myself and I stopped, waiting for Dib's reaction.  
  
"Ok, so that's it. You won't change your mind in a week?" He asked, still dazed.  
  
"Of course not."   
  
Dib stared at me, still a few feet away. He shuffled his feet and shifted his weight, looking like he'd just been given the world's loveliest gift, but didn't want to accept.  
  
"What's wrong?" I asked him.  
  
Nothing...right now. But what about the past? The things you refused to believe. Those things are still a part of my life. And I want you to tell me that I'm not insane. I believed it for 19 years, thanks to you and the rest of the world, but I'm not really, am I?" I heard all those years of confusion in his voice. You can hear something so many times before you start to believe it yourself. Perhaps it was because of that that he was a little crazy, not because he believed in ghosts or life on other planets. Not even because of that peculiar green child he chased. Zim, I think it was. It was the world who made him crazy.  
  
"Whatever happened to Zim?" I asked, suddenly interested. He looked back, shocked, but quickly returned to normal.  
  
"He left." Nothing more was said about his alien after that and I left it be.  
  
"Oh...Dib, you aren't mad. You're perfectly sane and I'm sorry now that I thought otherwise. You can be eccentric at times, but nothing more. Besides, that makes you who you are. It's not for me to apologize for the others, I wouldn't know how."  
  
"I don't want you to." He replied.  
  
"No, you wouldn't, would you."  
  
It was quiet for awhile but it was a contented silence. Nothing was left to say, but I still felt a distance between us. Silently, I walked across the room to a shadowed corner and sat with my back against the wall. It was a minute later when I saw Dib follow. His boots were removed and without them he walked without the slightest sound. He sat beside me, but left an inch between our bodies. We were both too afraid to touch. He didn't want to be rejected again and I was always wary of a kind feeling. He removed his coat, at last, and set it beside him.  
  
Finally I took a hand from my lap and placed it on his shoulder. He looked at it, then at me, and I opened my arm, gesturing for him to come closer. There were no smiles, just a general relief as I pulled him into my lap. He sat between my legs, his head rested sideways on my chest. It was a comfortable position, and I wrapped my arms around his front, pulling him closer.  
  
It was all too natural when our lips met in a soft kiss and our tongues danced lightly. And when he turned to face me completely, there was no refusal as his hands moved across my chest, lifting the shirt higher until it was a discarded gray mass, tinted blue on the floor by an aquarium. His own shirt joined mine, but it was black, and didn't glow blue in the light.  
  
"I love you, Dib." I whispered for no reason. He didn't respond right away and I wasn't sure if he had heard me.  
  
"I've always known that," He whispered back, removing his lips from my neck. "I've known, sometimes I didn't believe you, but I've known."  
  
"Do you believe me now?" I asked. He took a breath, an inverted sigh.  
  
"Yes." His single, soft word, blew warmth where it was spoken and I felt an explicable need to protect and love the boy I held forever.  
  
I slid down the wall until I laid flat on the tiled floor with Dib atop, resuming his former actions of soft kisses and easy touches. My own fingertips were light on his body and sometimes he would tremble and I'd feel goosebumps on his skin. I lifted my head from the ground and lifted his to meet it. He still wore his glasses, though they were smudged a bit. I took them from him and folded them neatly beside us, then took his lower lip between my teeth, sucking until it was cherry and swollen and he made desperate mewls into my mouth.  
  
By then our hips were rocking together. The movement was instinct, but we were both growing in need and passion. I reached between our bodies and felt for the trousers button. Instead I found a tied string and pulled it from its bow. Dib stopped moving to ease my attempts and once I had the pants untied, he slid them down and kicked them away. I undid my own button while Dib watched, patient, beside me.   
  
When I looked to Dib again, after tossing my own pants with the rest of the clothes, I choked back a gasp and watched the beautiful creature in front of me. He sat naked against the wall; half in shadow and half bathed in blue. He was touching himself and panting lightly, eyes closed. My eyes refused to look away and I felt my own arousal grow at the sight. I slid out of my undergarments and hovered over Dib, my eyes level with his. He opened a lusted brown orb at my presence, and I laid my hand on top of his, moving with him.  
  
Slowly, I went down and kneeled between his legs, lowering my head and taking him into my mouth without a second thought. He moaned and thrust forward. I stayed with the movements and it wasn't long before he came. Admittedly, I gagged, but swallowed because it was his.  
  
"Are you alright, Dib?" I asked, seeing him search for air and taking it in large gulps. He said nothing, only nodded, and I laid my head under his chin, waiting.  
  
"Do you...have anything to use?" He asked quite suddenly but I caught his meaning right away.  
  
"Yes, in one of the cupboards." I felt him nod, and I picked myself up and walked to the closest cabinet. The darkness made its contents hard to see, but I knew where I was looking, and I found the salve easily enough. Returning to Dib, I held up the jar in the dim light.  
  
"Is this alright for you?" He took a moment to read the ingredient list before nodding again.  
  
I unscrewed the lid and dipped my fingers into the cool substance, coating them profusely. Dib watched, now flat on his back, his head lifted uncomfortably. He opened his legs wider to accommodate me, and I pushed a finger against his opening, followed by another, sliding them in and out, while Dib wiggled, trying to find his pleasure, all the while hissing in pain and gasping in anticipation. Finally I added a third finger, trying not to hurt, but inevitably failing as I heard a sharp breath drawn.  
  
"Relax...relax..." I repeated and angled my fingers to hit the spot Dib sought. Another quick breath was drawn, but it was not in pain, but rapture. Pulling out then, he was as ready as he'd ever be for the moment. I was tempted to ask if this was his first time with a man, but I decided against it. It was none of my business, really, and I went slow enough anyway as if it was. I dipped into the salve again before positioning myself above.  
  
I looked into Dib's eyes and took my moves from what I saw there. At that moment I saw a sharp expectation and so I pushed myself against his opening and watched as a slow, but bearable cloud of pain filled his eyes. I moved again when the cloud had passed and continued until I was inside him entirely. He wrapped his arms around my back and I felt his chest rise and fall viciously below.  
  
"Go." He spoke, sensing my vacillation, and I obeyed, pulling back and then thrusting myself forward. I looked again into Dib's eyes and saw a slight hurt overshadowed by ecstasy. Finally, I let myself forget Dib's own satisfaction and concentrated on my own. We rocked together, each in our own bliss, but receiving it from one another. I lifted my head higher and caught Dib's parted lips with mine, feeling rather high and drunk from his moans and his touch.  
  
It continued, the shared elation, until my hand caused his second orgasm and he came between us, glistening. I followed then, and lay upon his stomach, too spent to think. A few minutes passed before I left him, but I stayed in his arms, not wanting to move anymore at all. Dib shared this thought and it was a long time before either of us said a word. Dib spoke first.  
  
"Thank you."   
  
"For what?" I asked, puzzled.  
  
"I don't know. It seemed appropriate...maybe for giving yourself to me. I know it's not easy."  
  
"No." I agreed. "And you're welcome then, though I should thank you too."  
  
"Mmhm." was the reply I received, and I curled myself closer to his warmth. I closed my eyes, but wouldn't allow myself to sleep.   
  
"Dib?" I asked, seeing if he had fallen asleep himself.  
  
"What?"  
  
"We're going to have to head home. It's a three-hour drive."  
  
"I know." There was a long pause. "I can't drive tonight." He finally said.  
  
"Why not?" I asked. I knew I couldn't. I'd fall asleep at the wheel.  
  
"I'll fall asleep and drive us into a tree." I smiled at the similar thoughts.  
  
"As would I." I said, yawning, and buried my head into his neck, sighing. I wouldn't have minded spending the night right there if I hadn't known better.   
  
"We could call Gaz...Say we're staying at a hotel...too late to drive." Dib said and I raised my eyebrows in thought.  
  
"We can't stay here though. We could just sleep in the car, but you'd have to drive it farther into the woods." I said and he nodded in agreement. "Let's go now." I said, lifting my head and staring into closed eyes. I sighed in mock annoyance. "Oh, give me the keys. I don't trust you behind the wheel."  
  
"Pocket." Was all he said and I dragged myself up, leaving him to snore quietly on the floor. I pulled on my own pants first before reaching into Dib's pants pocket and pulling out the silver car key along with three others on the same keyring. Then I folded everything, save Dib's trenchcoat, and held the things under my arm. Suddenly I remembered my lab coat and goggles and made way to the cabinet I had them in. I stopped halfway there and remembered that I wouldn't need them anymore. Instead of retrieving my things, I left them there and walked back to Dib.  
  
"Come on...get up and stick your coat on." I coaxed. He obeyed, still half asleep, and slid the coat on, buttoning the first five buttons awkwardly. "Good enough...let's go." I took his arm and led him to the door, opening it and stepping through. Reaching into my pants pocket, I pulled out a tiny brass key and locked the door behind me, then stuck the key inside a tiny locked box next to the door, through a slit in the top.  
  
Beside me, Dib took my free hand and laced his fingers between mine. I stopped a moment before climbing the stairs, and kissed him. He was shorter without his boots and I smiled. He smiled too, though he didn't know why. The steps were cold, but neither of us minded at all.  
  
  
  
--FIN--  
  
  
  
  
  
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